Do you find yourself caring too much about what others think of you rather than what you think of yourself? We live in a society that judges our success by material things, status or your looks for instance. The problem with this is you start to judge yourself by the same standard which involves what others think of you. It can be stressful trying to keep up with society’s approval or even approval within your own circle of family and friends. The stress comes from putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to be liked, loved or have approval. It is trying to find value in yourself from the outside world rather than seeing your own value through your own eyes.
A big area that we tend to seek approval is through our work. It feels good to reap the benefits from your hard work but that cannot be the only thing that defines you as a person. I recall thinking I am going to work hard to have a great life that I earned so I would do anything to please others to show I was a team player even if it was burning me out. It is important to have a good work ethic, however, if it consumes everything you do by what others think of you then it is time to reevaluate. I had to learn to change my thinking around to doing what was in alignment with my core values to feel good about my efforts. Every time I wanted recognition and didn’t receive it I felt disappointed in myself. I was putting my expectations on others to validate me rather then me knowing I accomplished something great under the set of circumstances I was in. By me being willing to acknowledge the dedication I had to my own work I felt much better about my self worth.
Another area that is easy to get caught up in caring what others think is putting the emphasis on looks or body image. This is something that the media, social net working, commercials, bill boards, magazines, television, internet etc. all influence us even in the most subtle way. The messages tell us that we have to look a certain way in order to have the lifestyle that is being promoted. I have noticed more variety of body types just recently but that was never the case when I was growing up. Skinny equalled pretty. I found no matter how much weight I lost it was never enough. I just didn’t get to a point where I said to myself, “This is it! I am at my ideal weight”. I am done caring.” I always wanted to be better then where I was continuing this faulty thinking! The same thing can happen with needing to be in better shape, more toned, longer hair, micro bladed eye brows or fuller lips, anti aging regimens, bigger boobs or butt or whatever the fad is at that time. Again, all of these things are short lived if you are placing your importance on yourself being good enough if you only look a certain way.
These are just examples of how easy it is to get caught up in what others think of you but where does it come from really? It comes down to self esteem and insecurity deep inside of you. Not one person on this earth can tell me they never cared what others thought of them. This is a very human condition that we do automatically because we all want acceptance. To feel a part of something is a natural instinct that comes from within. There is a feeling of satisfaction or contentment that happens when you feel accepted by others. It could be your parents, your friends, colleagues or community that you desire this feeling from. Where it gets out of balance is when that belonging becomes an obsession to seek outside approval not realizing your own value. The way you can test this is try noticing the next time you don’t get the response you wanted from someone you were hoping to get it from. Are you placing your self worth on how they respond? That right there is a sign to change your thought pattern to be kinder, gentler and more caring towards yourself.
Not everyone is going to agree or like the same things we do. That is ok! We are all made with our own unique talents and abilities. What matters is that you know deep down within your very soul that you are trying your best, under the set of circumstances you have been given, right here right now. Not under the perfect circumstances where you have all the ideals going your way because that is not what is happening. You knowing you did your best or are being who you are meant to be then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Truthfully, if someone is hypercritical or treating you poorly then that is on them! Not you! They lack emotional intelligence because deep down in their souls they are not happy with themselves so they take it out on someone else. If it is a person who you respect and want approval from realize not to take things personal because we all see things from our own lens. They may be genuinely trying to help you by giving you the truth. Rather than using that for criticism turn it into fuel for yourself to improve upon whatever you can. Our best learning comes from these very types of situations because it forces us to change in some way that we may not have recognized otherwise.
This is your opportunity to start caring more about what you think of you and less about what others think of you!! Ask yourself “am I being the best version of myself that I would want to be?” If you feel you can change something then let your own goal be your barometer for where you want to be in your life rather then comparing yourself to what others think or taking things personal or whatever it is you do that weighs you down when you think of what others think of you! Truthfully, “they” are off living their own life while you are living yours being a slave to “them”. Being held hostage in your own mind by “them” puts you in the victim role. You have worked too hard to allow someone to just steal your power away. It is time to take your power back by being the leading character in your own life. You deserve to feel good about yourself and you are the only one who needs to notice when you don’t. You will have more joy and happiness in your life by being being your own cheerleader! Shoulders back, chin up and march proudly on your true path as you honor the person you are becoming regardless of anybodies opinions. You have a purpose and calling beyond your wildest dreams! Keep on going!
Something to think about:
Do I put too much emphasis on what others think of me?
My self worth comes from what I think of me, not what others think of me. I do my best. I have value regardless of what any person’s opinion is of me. I do not need to take things personal. I need to be kind, gentle and supporting of myself. I know that I am highly capable, talented and exactly where I am supposed to be to learn what I am to learn. Whenever I am true to myself it serves everyone around me. I honor my needs. I am a work in progress. I stand liberated owning who I am under these circumstances knowing I am enough. My thoughts are what count because I spend the most time with me. I love the person I am. I am deserving. Everything always works out to the greatest and highest good for me and others. I surrender others to the universe and am free to live my life in the healthiest and best conditions for me. I no longer hold myself as a prisoner to others opinions. I use this energy as fuel to improve anyway I can that feels right for me. I intuitively know what feels good for myself. I trust myself.
You have always been an inspiration! Love your thoughts and your advise. Thank you
Thanks for the juice, Yvette!