How do you cope when life isn’t going your way? It is easier to feel on fire for your life when things are falling into place such as the relationship you want, having the money you need, having a great career, feeling healthy, you have a loving family etc. Sooner or later we all hit those roadblocks in our lives that we must face no matter how painful because life has ups and downs. What then? How do you handle these situations that can feel all consuming. It is like they are on autoplay in the background of your mind as you are out in the world living your life. The good news is you don’t have to stay stuck!
I recently heard that how you see your trials is how you will go through your trials. If you have a fear based mind, that is how you will go through that situation, full of fear. If you have a faith based mindset then you will see your trials through the eyes of faith. Why is this so important? It boils down to how it makes you feel as you walk through it! We all have fear to some degree but if your attitude is one that only sees doom and gloom think about how weighed down you are going to feel. The opposite is true for faith. If you see things working out to your highest and greatest good for all and have faith that this is temporary then you feel uplifted even in the eye of the storm. There are three things that make a positive impact when troubled times come to help you cope. 1. Attitude. 2. Self Talk and 3. Faith.
Let’s start with attitude. Choosing my attitude from the moment I open my eyes makes the world of difference for me. My human side will try to protect me from the situation by using worry as a form of control. The thing is worry will only put you further into the problem and less of the solution. This is where I have to catch those thoughts by choosing my focus. Am I going to focus on the problem or am I going to focus on the solution. Where your mind goes, GROWS! The most important part of choosing my attitude is it makes me feel better. I also am putting positive energy out into the universe which is contagious. It helps me attract more uplifting energy back. Start your morning with an attitude that says this is a new day filled with endless possibilities!
Next, is your self talk. Being able to observe the words you tell yourself is critical to how you handle life. Witness the way you speak to yourself, about yourself. Take time to listen to what you say to yourself on a daily basis. We tend to be our own worst critics. Beating yourself up for something you did or didn’t do will not help the problem be solved. As a matter of fact, it may delay the solution or keep you stuck. When you speak to yourself in a kind and compassionate way your energy raises. You feel encouraged to do whatever necessary action you need to take. Just like you can feel people’s positive energy you can also feel your own. Be your own best friend rather than own your worst enemy. I promise you this is the best gift you could give yourself and you will be far more motivated to deal with your life’s situation.
Finally, keeping the faith. Without faith there is not hope of problems working out. It just seems like nothing will get better. However, scripture tells us “God works all things together for the good”. It is through adversity that faith is built. For me, each season of my life that was difficult I was lead through it by God’s grace. I can look back to see how much I have grown in character and faith in each situation. I encourage you to go to that place that brings you peace and spend some time in stillness. In our busy world of “to do’s” this may seem counter productive but is actually where you can find the solution. When you are filled with hope and peace the answers seem to follow.
Life doesn’t always go the way we planned it but it can also offer surprises you never saw coming. In one instance something can change your entire circumstances! That relationship you wanted appears out of nowhere, the promotion you wanted happens, the money you needed comes through or the illness you had gets cured etc. You just never know what life has in store! Knowing this is just temporary and will pass can help you choose your attitude and improve your self talk all while keeping the faith. You will reap the rewards by embracing these three life changing steps and amaze yourself by seeing you are so much stronger then you think! Literally! Take those thoughts captive. Choose even one of these strategies then watch the miracles unfold.
Thought for the day:
Do I need to look at my own attitude, self talk or faith to improve my life circumstances?
Affirmations to think about:
Everyday I choose to be positive. My attitude is key to my happiness. Things work out better than expected. I try my best. I am being divinely guided. I am keeping the faith things are working out to my highest good. This too shall pass. I am a work in progress. Even if I make a mistake I can begin again. I love myself for trying. I have what it takes. I will not give up. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
You may hear the term “to be true to yourself” but what exactly does that mean? Sometimes to unpack what it means “to be true to yourself” it may be easier to recognize what it means to NOT be true to yourself! I have learned some of these lessons the hard way. All because I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or have confrontation for example. I would compromise my own needs to please another. Can you relate? I would do things I really didn’t want to do and not stand up for myself. By not saying something I am really dishonoring my needs. I would not say no or listen to my own intuition. I would people please or wonder what others thought of me. I would take on more then my share then be angry that no-one recognized what I did. I became victimized by these type of situations fearing rejection, disapproval and not being good enough.
Sometimes trying to be true to yourself masks itself with other things that look like you are determined and passionate. It can show up as perfectionism! You are running around trying your best to get everything done to the best of your ability yet you feel that you can’t keep up. Why? Because perfectionism is you giving yourself an unattainable goal to live up to leaving you feeling unsatisfied with all of your efforts. This does not leave very much room to live a well balanced fulfilled life. It keeps you stuck in a vicious cycle thinking you are making headway yet keep falling short.
So what it really means to be true to yourself is to listen to your God given intuition! This is one of the most common ways we are NOT true to ourselves because we can make excuses for why shouldn’t move in that direction. We don’t heed the warning of red flags rather we justify them. The reason we do this is because it takes work to be brave enough to face what is uncomfortable to address. However, think about the work it takes when we are “not being true to ourselves” by doing what we don’t want to do! Who suffers? Not them! You!
I cannot stress to you enough the gift you receive each time you love and honor yourself! You get the satisfaction of NOT being resentful, frustrated and worn out from not listening to what works for you. In the long run you do end up hurting yourself. What is crazy is you are the person you spend the most time with so why not listen to what it is you need? Part of the process of listening to yourself is being kind to yourself along the way. The mind will want to go back to what it knows but the effort on your end is to respect yourself enough to listen. It is so worth it because you will reap the benefits.
Living your most authentic life is what “being true to yourself” is all about! It requires you to encourage yourself to follow your own core values. This means you may be uncomfortable along the way. Don’t give up! You deserve to enjoy your life! The more you practice this the more comfortable you will get. Soon it will be a natural way of living and you will ask yourself “why didn’t I listen to myself sooner?” By us being who we are naturally meant to be serves everyone around us. They are not getting mixed messages rather we are sending clear direction on how to treat us. We teach those in our lives what to expect from us by respecting ourselves.
My hope is that you have a better understanding of what it means “to be true to yourself”. It is not just a phrase rather a way of living where we can have our needs met and live peacefully with ourselves. As you build on this over the years, you can find contentment within, knowing you are worthy of listening to what is important to you. This is a priceless gift you are giving to yourself and all of those who know you.
Something to think about:
Do I listen to what I want and need? Am I being true to myself?
I listen to to myself. I honor what is important to me. It is ok to set boundaries. I give myself permission to fulfill my needs. I am strong. It feels good to be true to myself. I am better off listening to myself then ignoring my feelings. I reap the benefits by being true to myself. I am deserving. Everything is working out to my highest and greatest good. To thine own self be true.
Recently, I was thinking about what a gift it is to be able to share your happiness with someone. We all need to know there is someone in our corner who has our back no matter what! When you think of those people it is usually those that have helped you in tough times or simply have supported you through different seasons of your life you may have gone through. We need those people who see us in our most vulnerable times and don’t judge us but rather love us unconditionally. They validate our suffering and help find solutions to our problems. They could be family or friends or a mentor but somehow you have a knowing you can trust them. It is also reciprocated by you because of the bonding you share.
When you have a true relationship that you value it is equally important to be able to share your good times with that person too! To share your joy! This inner joy that wells up is so special to feel. We all are made of energy so when we feel this inner happiness we are actually vibrating at the highest levels. In other words, the energy that we our putting out to others is able to be felt. When we are in this joyful zone we can transmit this unseen energy to those around us. It is contagious!
Interestingly enough, I recently met someone special in my life, yet I had not told the group of women I was around, at that time. Someone said to me they could feel how happy I was! Imagine that?! I never said anything to anyone yet my own energy affected them. Not to mention once I did spill the beans two of the women said they have chills! Right there is how our energy is noticeable and can impact others. So my happiness rubbed off on them in a great way! Plus, these were women whom I love and trust have my best interest at heart. They were happy for me! What an amazing feeling for all of us!
It is a blessing to be able to share this with others because it makes you feel good too! To have that person or people in your life that you know will be happy for you too is a win win! In todays world, where people can be easily distracted or caught up in themselves it is priceless to have these relationships in your life. These are the folks you need to cherish because they are there for you for the good times and the bad. Taking time to thank those people for being there for you will also make you feel good as well as them. I know exactly who I can count on to be be happy for me! Do you?
Something to think about:
Who do I want to share my happiness with?
It is a gift to share my joy with another. I treat others how I want to be treated. It is a blessing to have people in my life that I can count on. I am grateful for my friendships. I am deserving of good things. Sharing my good news makes me and the other person feel good. I am happy. I am grateful.
What does it mean to really take care of yourself in this world today? Life can be so busy! You go along doing your daily routine not really thinking about yourself rather all the tasks at hand. Then it hits you! You realize you need a break from it all but how do you do this? We may get our hair or nails done or book a massage or vacation for starters. We may go for a walk in nature or set out for an adventure. This can certainly help release some stress in your world and allow you to come back to your everyday more recharged. I am talking about going even deeper than that.
The kind of taking care of yourself that matters the most is the kind that allows you to be authentically you! This is where you are being true to yourself and honoring what is important to you without ignoring what you need. Now that is the harder thing to do yet the most rewarding because living with the consequences of doing something you don’t want to do is worse. Some examples that may resonate with you are saying no to an invitation that your gut is saying you don’t want to do or speaking up for yourself rather than squashing your voice thinking it won’t matter anyway. Another example, is setting a boundary when necessary with someone who is taking advantage of your good nature. In any of these scenarios, the reason it makes it so difficult to do is because you fear the outcome.
It is harder to take care of your needs when you risk having to be “uncomfortable” with another because it may cause conflict. That right there is ours to own! This is what taking care of yourself is really about! Honoring what you want for your own life matters! Listening to yourself is one of the best gifts you could give to yourself. Your God given instincts, your body and your spirit will all guide you to what feels right within your soul and what doesn’t. Once you discover what that is for yourself then you can take the appropriate action to take care of yourself.
The first part is about being aware of what you need in the first place to be true to yourself. The second part is about learning how to tackle the “discomfort” of allowing yourself the space to do this but how? Recognizing your own self talk is critical at this point! You may want to give in or say forget it it’s not a big deal. The truth is it is a big deal because if you don’t listen to yourself you are compromising your own integrity. You deserve to give yourself what you need. You are not responsible for the way another responds to it but you are responsible with how you respond to it. Your self talk needs to be supportive allowing the space for necessary change to happen. Pay attention to this especially when going through a challenging time because it is a catalyst to taking care of yourself. By combining a well needed break with positive self talk you will be so proud of yourself for respecting yourself enough to honor what is important to you! To put it in perspective, imagine how you would feel if you don’t?
Something to think about:
Is there something I can do to take better care of myself?
My needs matter. It is ok to allow myself what I need to take care of myself. I give myself permission to take a break. I will be better for it when I return. I set boundaries that preserve my own sanity. I speak up for what is important to me. I honor how I feel. I support myself with my own positive self talk. Everything works out to my highest and greatest good. I respect myself enough to listen to myself.
It seems as though no one can judge me harder than the way I judge myself! I am my own worst critic at times. It is not that I start off that way. It can take one triggering situation where all of a sudden I am thrown off balance then it happens. The inner critic comes out to tell me “I should have known better”, “I could have done better”, “why did I do that?” etc. You get the picture! It happens to us all. The trick to combatting this inner voice, that just wants to continue the constant badgering, is to do something different. Albert Einstein says “we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking used when we created them”. In other words, you have to change your thinking if you want to solve the problem of the inner critic.
So how is it that we change our thinking to be more positive about ourselves and less critical? Simple. Do not judge yourself. Is this so simple though? When we judge we compare ourselves to those we perceive to have it all together. We also tend to judge according to what the world expects us to be with the myriad of ads, media, commercials, billboards, status etc. But is that reality for you? Maybe the world isn’t juggling all the resposibilities you have or your set of circumstances exactly like you do. The minute we start to compare ourselves to others then judge ourselves we have fallen out of alignment with our true selves and are now relating with our ego. The ego loves when you judge so it can feel inflated. Unfortunately, that is short lived and always catches up with you. In the long run you are doing yourself a disservice.
To be able to free yourself from judgement means you have to be willing to acknowledge that you do it! An easy exercise to see how you judge yourself is to notice how harshly you judge other’s. If you notice that you are constantly picking apart people or tend to be super critical of them, their work, the way they do things or don’t do things then this is a good indicator that you also pick on yourself the same way. Most likely when you are kinder to yourself you can have more compassion for others. It takes practice to realize you are in this state of mind. You have to think differently if you want different results. This requires observing your actions without judgement. Witnessing your behavior so it can change. Things don’t have to be right or wrong or good or bad. They can just be as they are allowing you to be as you are.
Your life will change when you can free yourself from judgement. It is such a liberating act to witness your behavior but not getting attached to it. Not expecting yourself to be perfect. Not feeling less then because you can’t get it all done. Not picking on yourself because you are not what, where or who you want to be. When you accept yourself for what, where and who you are now in this moment you don’t have to judge yourself. You are in flow with where you are in your journey. It takes the stress off of you. To judge others takes a lot of work because you are hooked into negative energy. Deep down inside you do the same to yourself and it becomes exhausting. If you do notice you are doing this then give yourself credit for working on it then let it go. Continue to walk in self compassion anyway.
Try to find activities that help you tap into your creative side allowing you to enjoy your life rather than being so critical. Take the time to pay attention to the way judgement shows up in your life. This is an exercise to help you feel better in the long run about yourself. If you notice an area that needs improvement then you can allow it to be an opportunity for healing. What better way to heal than to start being kinder to yourself on a daily basis. Self love is the key to freeing yourself from the unnecessary harsh judgment. You will reap the results first hand. You also will notice that you allow others to be themselves without criticizing so much. The two go together. How you see yourself is how you see others! This is life’s mirror showing you an opportunity to heal. You can be brave by witnessing where you can improve or you can continue to allow judgement to control your life. What’s it going to be?
Something to think about:
Do I tend to judge myself and others critically?
Affirmations to live by:
I am exactly where I am supposed to be on my journey. Everything always works out to my highest and greatest good. I am enough. I do enough. I have enough. I love and approve of myself just as I am now. I am doing my best. Others are doing their best. I am free to live my life as I choose. Others are free to live their life how they choose. I am a work in progress. I free myself from judgement. I free myself from bias. I free myself from attachment. I live a more gratifying life striving to be the best version of myself. I am at peace with myself.